My Notes:
- Focus on what you really want.
- What do I want for myself?
- For others?
- For the relationship?
- How would I behave if this were what I really wanted?
- Contrast to fix misunderstanding:
- Start with what you don’t intend or mean, then explain what you do intend or mean.
- Don’t be tempted to water down your content: “you know it’s really not that big a deal”
- What story am I telling myself?
- Victim story: It’s not my fault!
- Villain story: It’s all your fault!
- Helpless story: There’s nothing else I can do!
- Re-examine the cold hard facts, question my conclusions look for other possible explanations. What do I really want? What would I do right now if I really want these results?
- STATE your path
- Share your facts
- Tell your story (explain what you’re beginning to conclude)
- Ask for others’ paths (encourage them to share their facts and stories)
- Talk tentatively (state your story as a story – don’t disguise it as fact)
- Encourage testing (make it safe for others to express differing or opposing views)
- To get people to share
- Ask (express an interest)
- Mirror (acknowledge their emotions)
- Paraphrase (restate what you’ve heard to show you understand, and that its safe for them to share)