Month: December 2008

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Crucial Conversations, Tools For Talking When The Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson

My Notes:51aefLfnGUL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_

    • Focus on what you really want.
      • What do I want for myself?
      • For others?
      • For the relationship?
      • How would I behave if this were what I really wanted?
    • Contrast to fix misunderstanding:
      • Start with what you don’t intend or mean, then explain what you do intend or mean.
      • Don’t be tempted to water down your content: “you know it’s really not that big a deal”

  • What story am I telling myself?
    • Victim story: It’s not my fault!
    • Villain story: It’s all your fault!
    • Helpless story: There’s nothing else I can do!
    • Re-examine the cold hard facts, question my conclusions look for other possible explanations. What do I really want? What would I do right now if I really want these results?
  • STATE your path
    • Share your facts
    • Tell your story (explain what you’re beginning to conclude)
    • Ask for others’ paths (encourage them to share their facts and stories)
    • Talk tentatively (state your story as a story – don’t disguise it as fact)
    • Encourage testing (make it safe for others to express differing or opposing views)
  • To get people to share
    • Ask (express an interest)
    • Mirror (acknowledge their emotions)
    • Paraphrase (restate what you’ve heard to show you understand, and that its safe for them to share)
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Bargaining for Advantage by G. Richard Shell

So How Do You Ensure You Have The Advantage When Negotiating? My Notes:51C7i36GXbL._SX312_BO1,204,203,200_

    • Prepare thoroughly in advance
    • Locate the decision maker
    • Built rapport
    • Discover the other party’s goals – ask questions, obtain information on interests, issues and perceptions. Test for understanding, summarise, probe first then disclose, signal regarding your leverage
    • If you open then you benefit from setting the anchor point.
    • Look for common ground
    • On what issues might the other side say “no”?
    • Search for low-cost options that solve the other party’s problems while advancing your goals
    • Trade issues

  • Leverage
    • Flows to those with the greatest control and comfort with the present situations.
    • Threats must be credible.
    • For whom is time a factor?
    • Create momentum by giving little things.
    • Create a vision that the other side has something to lose from no deal
    • Positive leverage: Is having something the other guy wants, or better, needs, or best, cannot do without
    • Negative Leverage: Threat based, with hints rather than shouts
    • Normative Leverage: Give and take
    • Leverage changes constantly through the negotiation
    • Leverage depends on the other party’s perceptions of the situation, not the facts
  • Closing Technique: Scarcity Effect
    • Competition (many others are interested)
    • Deadlines (we will withdraw the offer soon)
    • Walkouts (I will get up and leave at any time)
  • Closing Technique: Overcommitment
    • eg standing in line at DisneyLand
    • Leverage loss aversion  (“We’ve come so far, don’t let all this time and effort go to waste!”)
  • Softer Closing Technique: Split the difference
  • Beware Rogue Tactics:
    • Lies about bottom lines and alternatives
    • Low-balling
    • Phoney issues / decoy / red herring
    • Fake authority ploys
    • Overcommitment (drags out the negotiation process and raises or lowers the price or terms at the last minute)
    • Good guy / bad guy
    • Consistency traps (The goal of which is to pre-commit you to a seemingly innocent standard. They get you to agree to a statement before telling you why the statement is important)
    • Reciprocity ploys (“I made a concession, now its your turn”. Beware of reciprocity traps – “Here’s a flower, may I have a donation?”)
    • The nibble (just before closing hoping your exhausted)